Showing posts with label Heart portrayals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heart portrayals. Show all posts

Friday, December 7, 2012

أحلى أيام حياتى


احلى ايام حياتي كانت حين عرفت ثلاثة اشخاص ملاعين ...لكن لا ارى وجوههم حين اصادفهم في الشارع...
 حفرت باظافري على زجاج ذكرياتي ...ووضعت هؤلاء الملاعين الثلاثة داخله وكتبت احلى ايام حياتي ... 
احلى ايام حياتي كانت حين عرفت ثلاثة ملاعين ...احدهم انت ...واحدهم هو ...واحدهم الاخر ...اثنان منهم اعدائي 
اما بالنسبة اليك... ان انت كتبت اقرا ...فلما جعلتني اعرف انك مفترسي المتربص 
!!!وماكنت اخشاه حقا هو ان اعرف انسانا ينخفض الى هذه الدرجة ...يالا الاسف 
كم كان لدينا من الايام التي عشناها سوية انت وانا... لقد كنا في اجمل ايام حياتنا 
لكن اعدك ايها المفترس اني ساصطحب تلك الايام بدمي الى الخلود .... اما بالنسبة اليك فانت في تلك الايام فكما بعت وباخس الاثمان فراش والدتك المزركش استطعت ان تبيعني وتبيع اجمل حياتك وحياتي .... 
احلى ايام حياتي كانت حين عرفت ثلاثة ملاعين احدهم انت ...واحدهم هو ...واحدهم الاخر اثنان منهم كانا عدوين لدودين لي اما بالنسبة اليك .....
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Friday, July 27, 2012

كلنا نعيش نفس القصة


أيام حادثة بابا جم ناس من المنيا يقولولنا مكانتش حادثة،كان قتل...كنت هاتجنن ..مكنتش عارفه أعمل إيه،أعرف الحقيقة إزاى ومنين..كنت هاتجنن لحد ما أثبتولنا إنها حادثة...مابال اللى عرفوا ومتأكدين ان آباءهم اتقتلوا فعلا....قلوبهم أكيد مكوية بنار ..مش عارفين يجيبوا حقوقهم ولاياخدوا بتارهم..وأحيانا بيكونوا عارفين القتله...

لما أختى منة جت فى يوم تصرخ إن صاحباتها بيقولولها "ياحرام يامنة..بقيتى يتيمة"..حسيت بآلام الاطفال اللى  أهاليهم اتقتلوا...هيكبروا ومنهم اللى هيفضل يطارد حقه وقاتل أبوه..هيطارد اللى حرمه منه مع إنه كان ممكن يفضل معاه أكتر..طبعا الأجل ده بتاع ربنا

لما بابا كان كل يوم بيموت وهو حى من اللى بيتقال عن ان الشرطة كلها انسحبت وسابت مواقعها وهو فى شغله بال٦٠ يوم متواصل مبيجيش...ولما مات ف ناس متعرفهوش قالوا أكيد طالما لواء شرطة يبقى قتل الثوار..انا كنت هاتجنن..افتكرت الشرفاء النلاء اللى نزلوا يطالبوا بحقهم واتقال عنهم بلطجية أو مدفوعين...وحسيت بحرقة قلوب أهاليهم وأحبابهم اللى عارفين كويس أد إيه هما شرفاء وأد إيه التصنيف والتحزيب ده شئ مقزز جدا

لما أصحابى الاتنين..اخواتى اللى حلمنا سوا ل٢٠ سنة قدام..حلمنا بأننا هنحكم الجامعة ..عميد ووكيل ورئيسة قسم..حلمنا بإن أولادنا هيلعبوا سوا..وهنفضل سوا...لما باعوا وماتوا من حياتى..ودلوقتى كل مابافتكرهم مع انى مش بانساهم بأبكى لأنهم ماتوا من حياتى وكنت محتاجاهم يعيشوا معايا أكتر...ربنا يديهم طولة العمر...بافتكر اللى نزل وجنبه صاحبه ووقع قدام عينيه... بس
"كلامك مبيتفهمش...احساسك مبيتوصفش
"

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

She


She is so wonderful that she deserves belonging to another wonderful one who can handle, give warm, make safe, and understand this wonderful girly girl...

Although each one of them thinks the other is a crazy one (A)... But s/he believes s/he should be there for his/her soulmate...

And then she decided not to belong to anyone ... And to keep searching for her inner soul ...and by the way she is searching, her wonderful one will find her :)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

خواطر شقية ومجنونة

اكيد عاوزه اكون فى ضللك... بس لو ضللك ده يساعنى
لما شمسك تحرق شمسى .... وقمرك يزين قمرى ...يبقى اكيد ضللك يساعنى
لما شروقك يسبق شروقى... وغروبك يلحق غروبى... يبقى اكيد ضللك يساعنى
لما دموعى تحرق قلبك... ولما ورودى تحييى صحرتك... يبقى اكيد ضللك يساعنى 
هاااا... ممكن يساعنى ؟؟

Friday, August 8, 2008

لماذا الحب أعمى ؟؟

A post on a group on the facebook:

في قديم الزمان...حيث لم يكن على الأرض بشر بعد...
كانت الفضائل والرذائل.. تطوف العالم معا وتشعر بالملل الشديد...

ذات يوم... وكحل لمشكلة الملل المستعصية اقترح( الإبداع).. لعبة.. وأسماها الأستغماية.. أو الغميضة...
أحب الجميع الفكرة...

وصرخ الجنون: أريد أن أبدأ.. أريد أن أبدأ...أنا من سيغمض عينيه.. ويبدأ العد...ّوأنتم عليكم مباشرة الاختفاء...ثم أنه اتكأ بمرفقيه..على شجرة.. وبدأ...واحد...اثنين... ثلاثة...

وبدأت (الفضائل والرذائل) بالاختباء..
.وجدت (الرقة) مكانا لنفسها فوق القمر...
وأخفت (الخيانة) نفسها في كومة زبال...
ذهب (الولع)...واختبأ... بين الغيوم
ومضى (الشوق)...إلى باطن الأرض...
قال الكذب بصوت عال : سأخفي نفسي تحت الحجارة.. ثم توجه لقعر البحيرة

واستمر (الجنون): تسعة وسبعون... ثمانون.... واحد وثمانون...

خلال ذلك أتمت كل الفضائل والرذائل تخفيها...
ماعدا ..... الحب

كعادته.. لم يكن صاحب قرار... وبالتالي لم يقرر أين يختفي...وهذا غير مفاجيء لأحد... فنحن نعلم كم هو صعب إخفاء الحب !

تابع الجنون: خمسة وتسعون....... سبعة وتسعون...
وعندما وصل الجنون في تعداده إلى: مائة...قفز الحب وسط أجمة من الورد.. واختفى بداخلها...

فتح الجنون عينيه.. وبدأ البحث صائحا": أنا آت إليكم.... أناآت إليكم...
كان (الكسل) أول من أنكشف...لأنه لم يبذل أي جهد في إخفاء نفسه...
ثم ظهرت (الرقّة) المختفية في القمر...
ماعدا الحب...؟

كاد (الجنون) أن يصاب بالإحباط والبأس.. في بحثه عن الحب...
إلى أن اقترب منه الحسد...وهمس في أذنه:"الحب مختف في شجيرة الورد"...

التقط الجنون شوكة خشبية أشبه بالرمح...وبدأ في طعن شجيرة الورد بشكل طائش....
ليخرج منها الحب...

ولم يتوقف إلا عندما سمع صوت بكاء يمزق القلوب...!!
ظهر الحب..
وهو يحجب عينيه بيديه.. والدم يقطر من بين أصابعه...

صاح الجنون نادما": يا الهي ماذا فعلت؟ ماذا أفعل كي أصلح غلطتي بعد أن أفقدتك البصر؟
أجابه الحب: لن تستطيع إعادة النظر لي... لكن لازال هناك ما تستطيع فعله لأجلي...
كن دليلي...

وهذا ما حصل من يومها....


يمضي الحب الأعمى...يقوده الجنون

Thursday, August 7, 2008

لو كنت أعلم

This poem is extracted from a post on a group on the facebook

لو كنت أعلم أن لقلبك ألف باب ...

لمزقت نفسي ألف قطعة ودخلت اليك من كل الأبواب...

لو كنت أعلم أن عينيك تري ألف شخص...

لشكلت نفسي بألف امرأة جميلة لتراني بكل الأماكن...

واحدة تعشق الهدوء وتعيش معك بعالم الخيال..

وأخري تلمح بعينيها الجنون...

وثالثة تعشق نفسها بعينيك امرأة ناضجة...

وأخري صاخبة تعشق الموسيقي ...

أو واحدة لا تعلق عينيها الا بك...

أو أخري تهملك لتأتي ورائها ....

واحدة تتدلل عليك...او تشعرك بأنك طفل ..

أو تلقي بنفسها طفلة بين ذراعيك..

تتأملك وأنت بجوارها ..

أو تنتظر انت رؤيتها كملاك نائم...قوية أو ضعيفة...حنونة أو قاسية...سمراء...شقراء...

تعشقك حين تضمها بقوة أو تقسو عليها ...

امرأة متفائلة أو حزينة ...تعشق الليل أو النهار...

امرأة تكن لك الحبيبة..أو العشيقة.. أو الزوجة..أم وابنة.....أو صديقة...

لو كنت أعلم لكنت لك امرأة تعشق كل الألوان.

.ترتدي الواسع أو الضيق..القصير أو الطويل..

تتمتع بارتداء النظارة..أو تغير لون عينيها....

امرأة عملية..امرأة حالمة..

تحب الشاي أو القهوة...

تعشقك بارتداء كل الألوان ..الأبيض أو الأسود ..أو ما بينهما...

تعشقك في حزنك أو فرحك....

لكنت امرأة..تبكي وتضحك....تحب وتكره..تقبل وتتدلل..تحنو وتقسو...

امرأة تعشق الصيف..أو تذوب حبا بقطرات المطر..

أو تحب النسيم بالربيع..أو تقلب الجو بالخريف...

تحب اقتناء القطط أو الكلاب او العصافير ...أو تكره الحيوانات..

لو ازداد حنانك في مرضي...للازمت الفراش....

ولو لمحت نظرة العشق حين تلفني الرومانسية...لانتظرت كل ليلة واضئت الشموع ...

ونثرت الورد بكل الأماكن...ووضعت العطر الذي تعشقه....وألقيت نفسي بين ذراعيك حين تراني............

لو كنت أعلم لكنت لك المرأه التى .......تشعر بها....وتراها....وتعشقها....وترغب بها.....وتحيا...وتموت من اجلها.....

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Great Poem

I got this poem through this URL: http://www.geocities.com/sadquotes/tears1.html ...
really it is wonderful

my smile might be fake
but my tears are real

At least be there to wipe away my tears
if you're going to make me cry . .

I play it off like I got
nothing to lie about
nothing to sigh about
but in my heart
I know I’ve got something
to cry about.
No one here can see my tears
...The pain that's been around for so many years...

Real tears are not those that fall
from the eyes & cover the face
but those that fall from the
Heart & cover the soul

Tears are words the heart can’t say.

So many nights I cried for you
wondering if the rumors
are actually true.

Got a smile on my face
a twinkle in my eye
only the true know
When I wanna break down and cry

teardrops fall from those pretty eyes
kind of hard to move on when you only told lies
she’s breakin down; everyone's fading
it’s been so long && she’s tired of waiting…

I Just don’t Laugh the way I used to
My tears are many, My smiles are few

Constantly cryin
never holdin back a single tear
you look at me like I'm crazy
but u don't feel the pain I feel

I remind myself to not cry
smile and hold my head high
Broken but all that never really mattered
Bite my tongue everyday
when there are words `left` to say,
so I'll wipe each tear from my eye
n' remember I'm not supposed to cry

Why do I try not to cry,
Sometimes I think I could die,
But when it comes out,
I just want to shout,
And scream and cry it all out

When she cries, the makeup runs from her eyes,
And spills the `truth about how she feels inside

I promised myself I wouldn't weep...
one more promise I couldn't keep

tears in my eyes just tryin to keep my head up
everyone swears they care but really don’t give a fuqq

It hurts more to smile in front of everyone than it does to cry alone.

I only cry when my tears
cannot be seen
like in the dark, or in the rain
just so you can`t see my pain

Everyone says
I'm so outgoing
with those big green eyes
I bet you'd never guess
I sit at home and cry

Do u feel more like a man knowing you made your best friend cry?

For once instead of telling me
reasons why I shouldn’t cry,
actually pay attention to
the reasons why I am

Rain is a form of tears, only from heaven.

lately I cry for no reason at all
my emotions go up and quickly they fall
my head is all mixed up and confused
looks like I’ve been used and abused
out of nowhere tears roll down my face
always happens in the worst possible place
I’m always down and wearing a frown
tell me what will make this feeling go away
I want it to leave, but it just wants to stay

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show, and I
thought that being strong meant never losing your self control.
but tonight I’m just enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my
pride let it fall like rain from my eyes, tonight I wanna cry...

I couldn't say how I felt...so I cried.

If tears could make me pretty,
I would be the most gorgeous girl alive.

I only act happy can't you see the smiles fake
that my eyes been crying
and when I say I’m fine I’m totally lying

It's just about now, when the tears start to fall,
I wonder if I'm gonna make it at all..
This is not about trying to go back in time,
this is not about where I'll be a year down the line,
it’s just moment to moment, surviving somehow...
this is not about then... this is just about now.

Have a good cry
wash your eyes out
if you keep it inside
it will tear you apart

if I'm so happy, then why do these tears keep falling?

You watch her walk down the hall
big smile, laughing, seems so happy
you'd never guess that she goes home
and cries herself to sleep...every night

I'm sorry if I made you cry...
I'm sorry If tears fell from your eyes...
that isn't at all what I intended to do...
just remember, all the tears that fell
from your eyes...fell from mine too

I been through the struggles
& found a piece of Mind
but time after Time a girl
still gotta break down & cry

real tears are the ones
that form slowly in your eyes
real tears are the ones that take
so much more to dry

Monday, January 21, 2008

The Sun and the Sea in the affair

Since I was young, I used to watch the sunset from the balcony of the house – that was on the sea – where we spent our summer vacation and I wondered about the relation between the sunset and the sea… I used to admire the colors of the sun at this time of the day, and I was so fascinated by this natural tableau… actually, the sunset scene doesn’t attract me in usual but for it in the summer resort… there were some hidden unexplained feelings which I was unaware of regarding this scene ,until everything became clearer when I was 19 years old… it is one of my artistic feelings which one may become so anxious about capturing it either in a painting or in a poem, but now I feel that my colors aren’t helpful as much as my words… so, really I find myself so excited about explaining the details of an affair between two lovers whom we don’t notice their story…

Rendezvous time: at the sunset each day ... around 6:00 pm
Rendezvous place: at the deep heart of the sea

Have you ever tried to notice the sea’s or the sun’s behavior all over the day?? And if you did so, have you tried to match their behaviors and make a conclusion about the relation??

Well, I’m going to display the details of their behavior
Each day, in the morning, if you are watching carefully, you’d find out that the sun rises from the heart of the sea…it becomes higher and higher until it becomes in the middle of the sky…during this period of time, the sea’s noise becomes so loud, and its waves are high… till it is around 4:30 pm when the sun becomes its way back to the heart of the sea, it gets closer and closer and more closer while the sea seems to be snarling to the extreme and its waves are so strong and crass, and I can prove it by the fact that it is too dangerous to swim around 5:00 pm, am I mistaken??...the sun continues its way until it completely sets, to find the sea’s noise becomes so soft and so musical in the evening

It became so clear to me at this point, they are in an affair!!!

Let’s then analyze it step by step nowbut at first let me denote the sea as he/the male/the man, while the sun is denoted as she/the female/the woman… because their behavior mimics the behavior of the male and female human lovers…

Here we go, in the morning when the sun begins to rise from the heart of the sea, actually she was spending her night hiding herself in his heart… she is trying to coquet as all females do most of the time when she pretends she is getting out… and as she begins her way out, he begins screaming and this explains the noise he causes asking her to stay and his crass crashing waves, those waves that act as his arms which he is trying to heighten as much as he can to get her back… and all the day she is watching him trying in vain to catch her… till around 4:30 pm, when she starts her way back to him, actually she misses him alot and as I mentioned her leave was explained by her nature which tends to dalliance and seducing, she is not trying to torture him because if she tried so, she’d be causing herself a great pain… the pain of yearning and longing to him…on the other hand, he is heightening his arms as much as he can now to receive her, also he is snarling out of his excitement and eagerness, till she gets back to his heart… in the evening, he is flirting her with his musical voice, both of them are so calm, so quiet, as finally they got each other in the same place where they can spend their night with no one watching around…

Yes I’m imagining, but it is a real true part of the relation between men and women, of course this scene doesn’t characterize the whole of the relation, but it presents, for me, a very poetic sensible immaterial meaning and really I enjoy this so much…

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Roses' smell: final part

I’ve been very impressed by this story to the extent that I insist on continuing writing and thinking of it… I know the reason for this, I find myself in a part of it and I find some similarities between my story and their...to be more exact, I get hope from their existence together…

Why do we always tend to see the deepest darkest sides of the situations?!!!.... I used to think of the word: there are no guarantees to be equivalent to nothing will make a difference but yesterday I got another view of the word… it maybe equivalent to there is hope, some day it will be the right way

Yesterday was the final chapter – for me- in this story, the story I’m noticing for a year… they got engaged finally!!!.... For them, it is the beginning of a new life… but for me it is the happy end I was aspiring for... It is the proof that there is always hope and situations and maybe feelings may take a completely opposite turn in a single moment, by just an eye-look … yes!!!

Since last month, he was so disturbed by the fact that he would join the army to perform his military service… the year which he would spend there and his practical progress discontinuation weren’t the only things that disturbed him... he was also disturbed by the fact that he would leave her hanged with the fear that one day while his absence he may lose her… he won’t lose her heart, but he was afraid of the pressures she may face from her family to accept one of those guys who propose to her everyday

Also, he was so loaded by the weddings we attend everyday… yes, I’m not kidding… he talked to me one day to tell that he is so miserable by the feeling that he is hanging her and he must do anything to make her happy, she is a girl like all the girls of her age, she must have the love and care she deserves and he was afraid about her feelings when she attended everyday a wedding of one of her friends of the same age – i.e. he was miserable as he was sure that while she was going to attend a wedding or while she was in a wedding of one of her friends, she was dreaming of herself in the wedding dress, she was dreaming of being the queen of the day, and he was afraid to be late to make her dream come true although he is sure that this is what she deserves but the situation is out of his hands-… he was burdening himself a lot, but I was so happy that he felt what she might feel, and I was so happy to meet someone who takes the responsibility of the small feelings that the girl may feel and those feelings are to be handled soon but he insists on thinking of them, because simply they won’t be handled unless he -and only he- thinks of them ….
This answered a lot of my questions when I wondered in an early entry about how shall a puzzle space request a puzzle piece to fit into ,and I believe that males are actors and we –the females- are reactors… actually, we are also actors, but implicit actors… we trigger the action of the explicit apparent actors… we trigger the action by a feeling or an eye-look … as I said before, when girls fall into love, they need to have soul merging with the other… each lover would have soul merge with his/her partner, but this soul merge would be complete to the extent that makes the man also feel what she needs and what she feels exactly with no need to more explanations, if and only if, he is a sensitive man… Males aren’t only depending on the apparent feelings as we may think, some of them – not all- have intuition or what we may call –in the females’ world- the sixth sense by which we can perceive many hidden patterns only by an eye-look… but most of them need to have the sentences clearly stated and the feelings are explained correctly, they always need interpretations and explanations to make them cross to the female’s world, it is due to neither their insensitivity nor their incomplete-love, but it is caused by the two worlds' differences so I was so pleased to meet someone who can have complete soul merging with his partner… I don’t mean that all the surrounding persons don’t have that complete soul merge, but I can’t judge unless I hadn’t met the two partners in the same era…

Back to the main story here… due to his fears and worries, he decided on that their engagement must be as soon as possible…on Sunday, I knew for sure that their engagement would be the week following the EID… I was above the sky, it was as if it was my engagement not their… I was aspiring to tell all the world that the dream came true at last… then they decided on that it will be on the third day of the EID… I decided to get involved in all the arrangements and they asked me to send their engagement’s announcing mail… I found myself calling some friends to tell them and yelling in the phone announcing their engagement with a very happy tone and expecting the others to share those happy feelings with me with the same impression…

I felt their warm feelings and their eye-looks … though some of our friends were jealous and trying to find some criteria to make it not working, like the age difference for example, but it was a vain way…

Maybe it was the first time to attend a party and find myself dreaming and not getting annoyed after realizing the real world I’m in the moment I dream, I found my dream conformed with that party… maybe it was the first party to attend and I didn’t have my mood down by any action or any interruption of the real world… it conformed here!!!.... Yesssssssss!!!!

Well, I’ve some quotes I want to mention here:
The groom: “Ghada, I was about to lose part of my mind each time I hear that there is some guy proposing to her… I had to make my mind up and take a quick action… I told my father to meet her father immediately, I know I wasn’t about to live a moment if I had lost her”… he said so Sunday evening in an online conversation

The one whom I love: “Ghada, I hope you find the one soon”

Me: “I have hope, intuition, dreams and many warm feelings… I dedicate my feelings to him and I hope that my dream may one day come true… and till that day, I may fly above in the sky with my dreams… but I’m aware to make my intuition guide me and not let me be misled by my hope and dreams”

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

حكايتى

مش عارفة ليه أنا حبيت أكتب بالعربى وكمان بالعامية وكمان جريت على الوورد علشان أكتب على الجهاز وأحطه على البلوج مع إن مكتبى فيه حاجات مكتوبه بإيدى ومعنديش الجرأة لغاية دلوقتى إنى أنشرها على البلوج ... بس مقاومتش الرغبة دى ... يمكن علشان ده هيساعدنى أكتر ف إنى أعبر عن اللى جوايا ... عن مشاعرى وأحاسيسى .. شموعى .... مش عارفه ... بس بصراحه أنا ماصدقت إنى تجيلى الجرأة إنى أكتب تانى ... مع الرغبة ف إنى أقول كل الحكاية .. من غير تغيير أى معنى أو بمعنى أدق ؛ من غير أى محاولة للهروب .. الانجليزى كان بيساعدنى جدا ف الهروب من اللى خايفة أقوله ... ف المراوغة ... وتقريبا أنا مش عاوزة أعمل ده دلوقتى ... علشان أنا حاسسه إنى محبوسة أوى جوا الدايرة ... لوحدى ...

الحكاية بدأت من 3 سنين ... وأنا وهو ف نفس الأوضة دى ... هأحاول أوصفها على أد أما أفتكر ... أصلها شكلها دلوقتى مختلف خالص ...كانت فيها لمبة نيون ... فيها شباك صغير ... وباب ... الباب ده أنا مشغلتش نفسى وقتها أفكر هو مفتوح وللا مقفول ... ولو مقفول ياترى مفتاحه معايا وللا معاه ... ولو مش لا معايا ولا معاه يبقى مع مين ؟؟ ... كمان الشباك ده بيبص على الشارع ... شكلهم إيه الناس اللى ف الشارع دول ؟؟ ... الحقيقه مشغلتش بالى بكل الأسئلة دى علشان ببساطه اللى مننا هييجى يخرج من الأوضة هيدور على المفتاح بتاعها .. وبكده يبقى فتح للاتنين الباب ... كمان الشباك مش مهم مين اللى معدى ف الشارع .. أدينا بنتفرج ونحكى لبعض وخلاص ...

كنا إحنا الاتنين واقفين مع بعض ف الشباك بنتفرج ... تقريبا أيامى كانت كلها نهار ... كنت سعيده أوى من جوايا ... كنت متفائلة وطموحه ... كنت حاسة إننى ممكن أعمل فرق ف الدنيا ... وكنت على استعداد إنى أعمل التغيير ده للناس اللى حواليا كمان .. وشايفه ف نفسى إنى أد ده أوى ...وأد أى تحدى ممكن أقابله ...كنت حاسه إنى ممكن أحضن الدنيا كلها ف مرة واحده ... أيوة حقيقى كنت حاسسه انى بس محتاجه الطريق ... إنما الرغبة ف كده موجوده ... صحيح كنت حاسه إنه حياتى ناشفه شويه؛ لأن أحلامى دى أنا بس اللى بأحلمها وبأفكر فيها لوحدى ... وممكن أكون بأحكيها ليه ... بس هو مش بيحلمها معايا ....

بس كان ف نقط كده عندى بأحطها ف آخر كل جملة ... وهو كمان كان بيحطها ... بس مخدتش بالى من النقط دى خالص؛تقريبا كانت مدفونه ف عقلى الباطن أو بمعنى أدق ف قلبى الباطن ... لغاية أما حصل الزلزال ... زلزال هز البيت اللى فيه الأوضه دى ... هزها أوى لدرجه إنى وقعت على الأرض ؛ بعدت عن الشباك ...وقعت ف نص الأوضة بالظبط ... الحيطان اتشرخت ... واللمبة النيون انطفت ... الناس اللى كانوا ف البيت ، ف الأوض التانية ماتوا من عنف الزلزال .... كنت خايفة إلى أبعد حدوود ... قمة الخوف اللى ف الدنيا ..."غاده ... غاده "..." إيه ده إنت لسه معايا ف الأوضه ؟؟ " ..." أيوة أنا هنا "... وفجأة لاقيت إيد بتشدنى أوى ف الضلمة ...وقفنى تانى على رجلى ... " إنتى كويسه ؟؟" ... "أيوة بس مش شايفاك ..إنت فين ؟؟" ... إدانى الأمان اللى كنت محتاجاه أوى ف الوقت ده ...
وفجأة لاقيت كل النقط اللى كانت متبعترة يمين وشمال ف الأوضه بتتجمع مع بعض ... المسافات بين النقط بتتلغى ...الحروف بتضم ... وبتتكون كلمة ف نص الأوضة بالظبط... إيه الكلمة دى ... كلمة ليها لمعان جامد أوى نوّرت الأوضه كلها ... من اللمعان إحنا الاتنين مش عرفنا نبص ونقرا الكلمة ..."يااه .. إيه ده ؛ إنت اللى رسمت الكلمه دى جوايا كده ؟؟ " ... " أيوة أنا ؛ بس عينى بتوجعنى أوى مش عارف أشوفها " ....

بصيت... اللمعان خف وقدرت أقرا الكلمه أخيرا ... معقولة !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... طلعت غير أما توقعت خالص ... يااااه .. أحلى وأصعب كلمة ف نفس الوقت ....ياربى

أحلى كلمة علشان حياتى معادتش ناشفه زى أما كانت قبل كده ... أحلى كلمه علشان هو إنسان عظيم أوى، بكل معانى الكلمة ...بجد ، ده رأيى فيه من أول أما قابلته .. ده مش من تأثير الكلمة بس فعلا، قبل أما النقط تتجمع كنت بأبصله بكل فخر واحترام...
أصعب كلمه علشان أنا قريتها بسرعة ؛ لكن هو عينه وجعته ؛ حط وشه بين كفيه ... وبعدين إتدور بجسمه كله ... وراح ناحية الشباك بسرعه .... أنا بس اللى قريتها .. أنا بس اللى شفتها ... غيرت حياتى من أول أما قريتها ... حوّلت مساراتى كلها ...بقيت بابص من الشباك بعينيه ... الإضاءة بتاعة النيون مكانتش مخليانى أشوفه كويس ... إيه ده !!! ... هو ده الحد اللى كنت راسمة البورتريه بتاعه من حوالى 8 سنين كده .... معقولة بجد إنت الحد ده ؟؟؟...ياااااه ؛إنت كنت فين من زمان ؛ ده أنا كنت مستنياك ؛ كنت واقفه ف الشباك مستنياك وأتاريك واقف جنبى وأنا مش شايفاك !!! ...كل ده أنا قلته جوايا أول أما قريت الكلمه دى ؛ أول أما الزلزال ده خلص وبدأت أفوق منه؛ حسيت بحاجات تانية خالص مع إنه نفس الشخص بس شفته بعين تانيه ...

حاولت ... بدأت أجيب شموع وأنورها حوالين الكلمه ؛ الله ؛ الإضاءة رومانسية أوى ... ولمسته على كتفه .. " بص كده إيه رأيك؟؟" ... " آه كويس ؛ ميرسى ليكى " .. ودوّر وشه تانى ناحية الشباك ... الله ؛ ده مشافش الكلمة برده ... بص بس ناحية الشموع وساب الكلمة !!! ... خايف ؟؟ ... مش متهيألى ... أمال إيه ؟؟ ... مش عاوز ؟؟ ...لأ ... طيب إيه ؟؟ ... مش عارفه !!
طيب خلاص ... هأعمل حاجه تانية كمان مع الشموع هأجيب ورود وأفرش الأرض حوالين الكلمة ... تانى على كتفه ... " بص كده ؟؟" ... "استنى بس .. أنا بأبص ف الشباك " ... ماهو صحيح .. إحنا كان اتفاقنا من الأول إننا بنبص مع بعض من الشباك ...متفقناش إنه هنعمل حاجه ف الأوضة ... وجايز هو استغرب انى بقيت مهتمه بالأوضه و ماليش دعوة بالشباك خالص ... " أهه يا سيدى ؛ ف إيه ف الشباك يعنى ؟؟ " .. مفيش حاجه ... بس لأول مرة أخاف .. أخاف أوى كمان من الشباك .. والناس اللى بيعدّوا من قدام الشباك .. بس مفيش حاجه أقدر أعملها ... مش من حقى إنى اقفل الشباك ... ده بتاعنا إحنا الاتنين

إديته ضهرى .. مش علشان هو مش يهمنى .. بالعكس؛ ده علشان أجمع وأشكل الشموع والورود بأجمل وأحلى شكل ... لانى إكتشفت إنه دايما بيبص عليهم هما بس ... آآآآه لو رفع راسه شويه كان زمانه قرا الكلمة دى !!!
اشتريت شموع وشموع وشموع ... لغاية أما فلوسى خلصت كلها عليهم ... عرفت منين انها خلصت ؟؟ ... علشان ببساطه بقيت بأسكت ف الوقت اللى لازم أتكلم فيه ... وألوم نفسى جامد على السكوت ده .. لأنى لو سكتت أوى هيسرح أوى ف الشباك ... مع إنى كنت بألوم نفسى قبل كده على الكلام .. أحسن أستهجى الكلمة قدامه .. وللا حتى أقولها غصب عنى ف وقت أسرح وأنا معاه ... السكوت أحسن يابنتى ... لأ ... مش عارفه بقى
لا السكوت نافع ولا الكلام نافع !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"تعالى بصى كده على الشباك " ... " لأ لأ لأ مش جايه ؛ أنا تعبت وزهقت من الشباك ده "
جريت بسرعة ناحية الكلمة ؛ أطفى الشموع .. أقطع الورود ... أكسر التمثال ... قصدى الكلمه ... زى المجنونة بالظبط .. منتهى الغضب .. منتهى الثورة ... أنا ماعودتش قادرة خلاااااااااص
لاقيته واقف ورايا ... بمنتهى الهدوء .. بمنتهى العظمة ... بمنتهى الرقه...بمنتهى الرجولة ... مسك إيدي قبل أما أكسر التمثال .. ودوّرنى ناحيته ... مكلمنيش .. ولا عاتبنى ... بص ليا بنظرة كلها حنان ... وبكل كبرياء جاب عود كبريت وانحنى يولع الشموع اللى انطفت .. وسقى الزهور اللى اتبهدلت

يا حلم نفسى تحلمه كل القلوووووووووب ... يا أحلى إحساس شدنى خللااانى أدوووووووووب ... خلااانى أحس إنى بشر !!!

برده مرفعش راسه يقرا الكلمة ... مع إنه مش ليا ؛ بس حقيقى أعظم إنسان قابلته ... يا حلم نفسى تحلمه كل القلوووووووووووووب
كل صفاته .. كل سكناته ... كل حركاته ... كل مواقفه ... يااه؛ أد إيه أنا فخورة بيه ، ومعجبة بيه ... كل ده جه ف دماغى وأنا بأبصله وهو بيحاول يعدل اللى أنا بوظته يمين وشمال .. أد إيه جميل إحساسى ف اللحظه دى وف كل اللحظات اللى بأكون فيها معاه ... إحساس الطفلة الصغيرة ... الشقيه والمجنونه والمتمردة وف نفس الوقت اللى بترجع مكسوفه بعد أما تتشاقى ووشها أحمر ... أد إيه إنت بتخلينى أقوللك حاضر .. وأحب إحساس حاضر .. وأتلكك علشان أقولها ... أكيد إنت تستحقها ... أد إيه بأكون فرحانه وأنا بأقولها ليك
رجع هو للشباك وقعدت أنا على الأرض قدام الشموع والورود .. بدأت أفكر أحاول أبعتر الكلمه تانى .. أحاول أرجعها نقط بعيده عن بعضها .. طيب إزاى ده ؛ مش سايب لى فرصه ... طيب بلاش خليها ... أهى إحساس جميل لحد يستحقه فعلا ؛ وجايز يتدور ويبص لفوق عليها ف يوم من الأيام... ممكن برده ... بس دلوقتى أنا عاوزة أرجع لنهارى تانى ... عاوزه أرجع لحياتى ومسارى تانى .. معقوله هأفضل أبص على الشباك بعينيه طول الوقت ؟؟ ... معقوله هتفضل أحلامه هى أحلامى ؟؟ ...بس هو مدانيش الحق ده ... هو اصلا ميعرفش إنى إديته لنفسى
...
أى بنت ف الدنيا أما بتحب بتحس بكده ... بتحس إنها عاوزة تبقى جزء من الكل ... أحلامه هى أحلامها.. طموحه هو طموحها...نجاحه هو نجاحها ... بتشوف الدنيا بعينيه ... الحكاية مش بتبقى رغبه ف إلغاء الذات ؛ علشان محدش يرضى لنفسه إنه يكون تابع لحد ... بس الحكاية هى الرغبة ف امتزاج الذات ... الشكل النهائى هو ذات واحده بعقلين ... المهام متوزعه ... بس العائد واحد هيتوزع على اتنين على الرحب والسعة .. أكيد هيكفيهم ... ملهومش دعوه هيكفيهم إزاى بس هما هيظبطوا نفسهم انه يكفيهم ... بالظبط زى إنه هو بيشتغل ويتعب بره البيت .. وهى جوه بتشتغل وتتعب ... هو بينجح ويبقى مشهور ... هو اللى اتعرف قدام الناس ... بس هى سعيده ممكن اكتر منه بنجاحه ... كده نجاحه متوزع عليهم هما الاتنين ... هى حست انها هى كمان نجحت .. مع إن العائد كان ظاهريا عائد لشخص واحد بس .. لأن هو بس اللى حس بإنه ناجح قدام الناس
يعنى أنا دلوقتى دخلت نفسى ف دايرة نسيت فيها نفسى ... تهت وضعت ولوحدى رجعت !!! ... وبرده مش لاقيه ولا فاكرة أنا كنت بأفكر ف إيه أيام أما كنت بأبص بعيونى من الشباك ... مصرة إنى أبص بعينيه هو .. مع إنه مش معتبرنى جزء من الكل ده .. هو بيتعامل معايا على إنى كل لوحدى !!! ... بأحاول أنقل الحلم الوردى على أد أما أقدر للواقع ... بس للأسف مش هتظبط منى خالص .. تهت ف الطريق للحلم

طيب الخطوة اللى جاية إيه ؟؟ أخخخخخخ ... ده أنا هأستنى لغاية أما يفتح هو الباب بتاع الأوضه... أصل المفتاح طلع معاه ... طيب وبعدين ... السؤال دلوقتى بقى ياترى أما يفتح الباب هيقفله تانى وراه عليا ويسيبنى جوه الأوضه وللا هيسيبه مفتوح ؟؟ وياترى أنا لو خرجت وراه هآخد أد إيه وقت على أما عينى تاخد على نور النهار اللى بره وللا أنا خلاص ماعودتش هأعرف أشوف تانى؟؟ ...بتهيألى إنه أصلا أما يخرج هيقفله وراه تانى عليا ... أصلى للأسف متوقعش إنى ممكن أقابل حد تانى ف عمرى كله بالشكل ده ...ههههههه ؛ لأ طبعا شكله عمره ما هيفكر إنه يفضل معايا ف الأوضه ويقفل الشباك ؛ هو لسه مقراش الكلمة ؛ قلنا بيبص بس لتحت على الشموع اللى على الأرض مبيرفعش راسه لفوق...

ياترى الشمس هتفضل هى اللى مستنية الغروب وكارهه الفجر اللى بياخدها من البحر؟؟ وللا الدنيا هترجع لطبيعتها ويرجع البحر يعلّى موجه علشان يطول بإيده الشمس ..يمسكها ويشدها للغروب .. ويمنعها وقت الشروق ؟؟؟؟..... ياترى ده ممكن ؟؟؟
على فكرة ياد. صيام ... اللى أنا كتباه ده كله مش خطوة ف طريق الحلم اللى حكيتلك عنه قبل أما أمشى ف آخر مرة شفتك فيها ... ده بس محاوله لنفى وإثبات ضعفى .. الاتنين ف نفس الوقت
بنفيه علشان بأحاول أواجهه وأثبت أد إيه أنا كبيرة وأقدر أواجه الخوف اللى جوايا ... وإنى أقدر أقول اللى أنا عاوزاه بالظبط .. زى أما كنت بأعمل زمان؛ أيام أما كنت بأبص من الشباك ... زى بالظبط أما كنت سعيدة باللى عملته ف مكتب د.علاء من كام أسبوع .. مع إنه مكنش صح .. بس ده اللى كنت عاوزاه
بأثبته .. علشان أجمل حاجه ممكن أى بنت تحس بيها هى الضعف ... الضعف الأنثوى الجميل ... مش الضعف اللى الناس كلها بتكرهه لأنه بيكون نقيصه فيهم ..لأ ...الاحساس ده جزء من شموعى اللى أنا بأنورها حوالين التمثال ...ومش هأقدر أتخلى عنه .. ومش عاوزه كمان بصراحه علشان مينفعش...

الحكاية لسه ليها باقى ؛لسه هأعرفه من الأيام أو يمكن السنين اللى جايه

Friday, June 15, 2007

Roses' Smell: Part II

Suddenly, I began to smell the roses’ smell!!! … She was caring a lot about his study … actually she did this before, but now I feel it much more than before, she also began to ask about him and how he is and if I saw him lately…etc..NANANANANANA :D

I got confident about my guesses when I saw them together for the first time after I began to smell the roses’ smell in her words about him, and when I asked her about her feelings she told me that she is thinking about the relation from the other scenario and she is thinking she likes him… I was really happy and I hope that the final result would be there engagement and ever happiness if Allah will… you may here wonder about what about smelling the roses that I mentioned for about three times here…

When I’m standing with persons who love each other, I feel something in the air like electromagnetic waves… I smell something like roses’ smell … even if I don’t know about their love, but I became confident about my feelings when I saw that sparkle in their eyes while looking to each other… you may ask , why I didn’t smell this smell any time at the previous three years, I may tell you that he was a great actor, also, I rarely saw them together during the previous three years … but when it is bi-directional :D, you can feel like you are standing in a garden while standing with two-loving persons… but in some cases I can feel the one-sided love when I’m with someone who is experiencing that kind , but I don’t smell the roses’ smell in this case…

But there is something one friend told me before … he told me that:” admiration can’t be hidden, while true love can be hidden”… sorry, but I disagree with you… here are my proves: first, admiration is often initiated by the brain and is for a certain reason you know well and can be addressed to anyone… I mean you can be in love and you admire your partner and also you admire your colleague of the opposite sex for being so active or hard-worker or creative or wide-minded, etc... Note: never try to admire your female colleague for being beautiful while you are engaged or in love, I’ve warned you :D… you may tell the other that you admire him/her provided that s/he is a wide-minded person and will put it in the right way… Second, love is initiated by heart, which steals the control on your being from your brain while you are with the one you love – assuming that s/he doesn’t know about your love- …the blood flows there to your heart not your brain that moment… your eyes sparkle, your ears go there to listen to your lovers whispers, even if s/he is not standing with you but s/he is around, if s/he is not around and s/he is coming in his/her way towards you , you may feel this in advance , you may feel s/he is coming now…while s/he is around you feel you are standing in a garden of flowers and you can do nothing about all of this but picking the flowers from this garden to give it to your soul-mate - I’m not assuming here that girls would give flowers to men .. But I mean the feeling no more no less-… can you tell me how would you feel all this and do all this without being trapped from the surrounding people :D….

The question that still I’m wondering about from the first entry in this blog and so forth till now, “how will the puzzle space request the puzzle piece to fit into???” … in other words, how can a girl request a certain man !!!.... My friend was very persistent with his love and he was convinced it might work and he showed that the power of love may win at the end… what if the situation was reversed??...hoping to find the answer in the coming days…

Roses' Smell: Part I

I know it might not be nice to talk about a matter where you aren’t a partner or a major participator, but here I just wanna talk about my feelings regarding this subject…so, I won’t mention anything that may refer to the identity of the actors of this lovely story …
They are a nice couple of friends whom I care about and appreciate very much…

I knew him from our first year in the faculty and our relation continued for the whole of the four years and I haven’t realized even for once his feelings towards her, really he was a great actor…he spoke to her occasionally, and I realized recently that he was creating those occasions to talk to her …

I knew her in the second year and we weren’t close until our forth year in the lovely FCI… but I knew well what she used to think about him…she described him as rough, not gentleman – actually, all girls had the same mind about him ..But as I was known to think and almost concentrate my evaluation on mind and soul, I neglected this feeling about him, but I had it as all other girls, but I always knew that I’m special to him so he always tried not to annoy me like he did with the others , ”special” here means a friend, please don’t misunderstand my words- until the beginning of the forth year when he began to change his overall attitude in life and he began to treat girls more gently …

Before Ramadan this year, he surprised her by claiming that he loves her and he always loved her for the past three years, it was really a surprise for her… she doesn’t like him, what shall she tell him, how she shall reject his request politely!!!… She tried plan ‘A’ which all girls try in such a situation …when she didn’t like the guy she try to tell him “let’s continue to be friends… I don’t think it will work that way”…

He told her “It took me three years to make a decision, I will let you think and take your time”… from that moment and going, he did his best to satisfy her, hopefully he may attract her… really he was so persistent… he did his best really…

There are some things I appreciated the most about her: her insistence on keeping him not hurt … trying to encourage him to study more and promote … being honest with herself and with him…never insulting him … - those things many girls insist on, but actually I’m now comparing her reaction with the awful reaction of one other friend when she wanted to reject a guy offered her unconditional love and caring -…

What really I can’t express now by the few words I can write is their noble feelings and respectful relation during the period while she is still insisting on her thought that he is not suitable…. Actually I advised her many times to think about it and trying the other scenario, as long as he is respectful and he will propose to her once she accepts his request…all this time I’m noticing their actions and I’m confident about the relation’s success if Allah will… he is so suitable … they are very compatible and their characteristics and behavior may generate a very nice harmony together …even their facial features are similar…- when two persons are soul mated or they are in love, even if they aren’t naturally similar in the facial features to each other, after meeting each other, their matched souls come up to their faces so that the viewer can be misleaded and see as if they were facially similar - …I was hoping from all of my heart that she accepts, I liked seeing them together… but I hadn’t smelt the roses’ smell yet !!! so I decided not to talk to any of them about my notes and my hopes for this relation so as not to interfere in their issues and not to pressure on them

Then, she began to complain that he began to smother her and he is blaming her for not realizing his dreams and for making it going wrong by her refusal… I began to worry about her so much… I trust him the most and I’m confident about his manners…but I was really sorry for him, he might have been overloaded by his feelings, or he might have been impatient… till that moment he wasn’t speaking to me about the matter… he knew well that she told me about his love.. But we – He and I- didn’t discuss it together… I decided to try to make him speak about it to know what is going on with him... and to offer help as I saw her became miserable and she began to consider his words which he said while he was angry and resenting her… she began to blame herself for his low marks, for his upset… and this wasn’t right at all, and thanks Allah, I succeeded in initiating a conversation with him concerning what he wants really… it was really wonderful and I wasn’t worried anymore about any of them … I decided to : first, try to relief her and convincing her that she is not to be blamed about anything as she was so honest with him and she hadn’t misleaded , second, to try to convince her more about thinking of it by telling her my notes and trying to make some comparisons about their characteristics and how this couple will look like if they make it… then we took a break of talking about the matter due to being busy with our mid-terms…

To Be Continued...

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Hero

hero...It is not my concern now to analyze the wonderful song by Enrique Iglasuis but i will focus on some points attracted my attention in the song to be the start i go on with ... i can't really describe how much i felt this song ...the most meaningful question he asked in the song " would you die for the one you love ?!!" , really i felt this so much ... i cried alot at the end when he died in front of her eyes.. even when he was hit and she saw that , he was her hero ...even when he died at the end she didn't leave him and she believed he will still be her hero...why all this ?? i asked myself alot...has she beared this only as he asked her to bear or as he asked her to be her hero ?!!!.....- of course, i know the answer-

well , every girl ever can't deny dreaming even for once of a hero ... some girls call him the knight ... whatever... when she met him she may recognize him from the crowd..the point here is that he maynot regard himself as a hero before he met her, but when she chooses him to be so ,he hurries, raising his sword,YES i'm the heroooo,i came from the dark, from this distant part of the world, walking to save you NHAHAHAH... then he begins to behave as a knight ...even if her friends may see him as the most weak ,miserable man ever , "poor our dear friend , where has your mind gone ?!! ... do you see this man as a heroo !!!" .. her friends may say this ......

Yea , she regards him as a hero .... here resides the most exciting part or if i can call it the philosophy, life can be regarded as a puzzle board.. men are regarded as puzzle pieces..each empty space in the puzzle board represents a girl ... each empty space may have more than one piece that fits into ... the problem in Question is to find the most suitable piece...NO, not to find ( as girls don't find men ...they do find us) but to accept the most suitable piece...furthermore, what if that piece doesn't regard itself as suitable ..or doesn't find himself suitable to be a hero for someone ?!!!... how will he be alerted ?? in other words, how will the puzzle space request the puzzle piece to fit into ???.....-i really don't know the answer of this Question-......

actually, I always believe in true or pure feelings as they are the only difference between being a human and being a machine with no sense , just having some stored procedures to be executed in certain situations ..eating,walking,talking,driving...etc. But in addition, i have a strong belief that the difference between a wise polite sensetive girl and a impolite girl resides in her reaction when she finds or she experiences some feelings deeply inside.... I think as we are humans like men we have the right to think ,feel ,express yourself in some way, but we must choose the proper way to express ourselves which appeals to our community and doesn't conflict with our nature as girls ... the proof on this comes from the same philosophy ...the puzzle theory .... if you look once at the puzzle board, you will find that a puzzle piece may have the ability to move freely between puzzle spaces ,but not vice versa .... so i believe that men are actors and we are always reactors... when we try to break the rule , we are trying to revolt against our human nature so we won't ever be able to make it the right way..thanks Allah, i always have a clear limit between what is wrong and what is right to do....i had known a girl in my first year in the faculty - actually it was an unpleasant accompany, thanks Allah i left her,and i'm not going to tell the whole story now,maybe later- she hadn't mind going through a relation whenever she is asked ( sorry for telling such shameful thing )...this is what i call reacting the wrong way...

I've mentioned before that there is no girl with no hero in her dreams, so naturally i had a hero in my dreams...well, if i'm going to describe him a little bit, he doesn't have a white horse or even a fancy car... he doesn't have muscles ( ya333) or behaves like Selvester Stalone... he doesn't look like Tom Cruise..actually, I haven't dreamt of his face,his shape, his look ...and i won't..... I've dreamt of his manners,his personality,being wide-minded , smart , gentleman , knows how to behave or how to deal with a girl , being comforting, helpful , caring.... when being with him ,having the feeling of being at home, being a knight inside himself without ever holding a sword or riding a horse even for once......

I'm not trying to be wise ...i believe i'm not wise at all.. i don't mind walking in the main street eating lollypop...i really like lollypops ... Emille said:" i'm a big big girl in a big big world..it is not a big big thing if you leave me" ... and Ghada says:"i'm a young young girl in a big big world"... so i'm not that big girl...but really these are my thoughts ...

well, now I wanna mention some situations i experienced with my friends or girls i know:
1- once , in my second year in this faculty , there was a friend of us who is a student in the faculty of arts , she wanted to publish a magazine and she wanted to make a reportage with us ...the topic was on :" as a girl,when you feel some kind of love inside...what will you do ?" ... actually ,when she asked me my opinion concerning this topic, i well replied, she told me so....after this i had a conversation with one friend ...we were discussing our opinions .... i said:" i must react well ,wisely if i felt some sort of feelings, i won't tell him or approach him , i will act normally , i won't try to attract his attention".....my friend's answer was a shock for me,she said:" we love Allah , our family,our friends, nothing more" - she didn't believe in the existence of any other kind of love -...then she looked at me up and down then she left me in a hurry as if i was a shameful accompany... but i didn't mind ... i believed that one day she will change her mind and i decided not to talk with her concerning this topic again... this year,two weeks ago , me and the same friend were talking about a series on the TV where the actor and the actress love each other, leading a good life and a good family... the most remarkable two things are: first, i had a similar conversation with the same friend again NahAhahAhahha....... second, she hasn't changed her mind yet !!!!!!

2- another situation, in my third year , i was walking with a friend , we were talking about hero definition or our dreams of him .... i said :" i don't mind where is the apartment , whether he has a car or not , i haven't thought about the wedding or whether there will be a cooker or housekeeper or not" .... she said :" poor ghada, i imagine visiting you after 6 years to find you washing the floor, poor dear friend".... she went on:" i need a housekeeper as i don't know how to cook and i won't bother myself to learn, i need a car , and i need to learn driving ".... ( i said to myself: will you drive the car or your spouse?!!!)...the most exciting part here is that this friend is married now and i think she won't have a housekeeper ......

3-one of the bad memories i ever had, i saw a puzzle piece trying to fit into a puzzle space, really i don't want to remember her reaction , he was saying:" tell me what you want me to be and i will change as you wish " ... he was trying hardly to appeal to her ,he was very miserable...he was if he would sit on his knees .....OH Allah...she embarrassed him alot and in front of us and yelled at him without any mercy: " i don't like you , you are too bad ,too weak, i don't want you ,even if you 've changed ".... i think yes ,he was weak ...but she was very cruel..she over-reacted with the situation...may be he was mistaken in choosing the time,the place to tell her ,maybe he was mistaken to have such a weak appearance in front of her, but i think weakness cannot be received by such cruelty.......

4-a friend of mine, one good guy wanna meet her father to engage her, it is not my concern now whether she accepts or refuses as she behaved politely when he talked to her about the matter.... the point here is how she discussed the matter loudly with herself, she described him :"he is silly to think about this , he is good guy but he is dreaming, how can i accept him ( notice the contrast here).... he will try to dominate and i don't like this...he is so silly ...if he wanna dream ,ok enjoy your dreams that i won't ever share with you" !!!! ... is he silly for just telling her that he loves her !!! ... is he silly for telling:" i'm a human ... i respect my humaneness!!!!"....

I've said before that i'm not trying to wear a wise mask ... but i'm wondering the contrasts i experience... after all , my friends describe me as a silly girl with funny thoughts which won't make me happy ever and i won't reach anything i aspire to ....really, i don't know ....i don't know how i have had the courage to write down all this ,i don't know if this is some sort of silliness, but really i'm comforted as they are my thoughts , this is Ghada from inside .. i believe i have more to say but this is what i can write or think of ,now ....