Here I wanna just document a heavy week full of events, some of them I don’t want to forget as each of them reminded me with a meaning I may have forgotten or I just put aside when I don’t need to do so… and the rest of those events I wanna forget but I must keep in mind while acting coz they triggered me to make some changes in my attitude while dealing with the others…
This week began on Thursday night when I woke up to find that a document I spent more than a week working at had vanished from my desktop!!!! … I went mad the way I couldn’t make it right or do the supposed action, I began to scan every part in my HD using the various recovery programs but in vain … the thing I didn’t do right is to feel guilt about this document, it is ok to feel sorry but feeling guilt here in this situation was some sort of self-torment… if I took it easy and hadn’t gone mad I may have begun in thinking how to fix the problem and I may have saved time , but as one friend said :” Ghada was Ghada & she is now Ghada & she will still be Ghada” I completely agree with you :D:D… sometimes , I feel sorry for the ones surrounding me – of course, not all of them – ,they seem to be waiting for a miracle , but till it comes true, Ghada is Ghada :D:D…. the point from this situation is that I need to begin thinking about a way to stop over-reacting with situations and putting them in the right size to choose the suitable solution if there is a problem actually, not a problem I feel it is going to be…that is it….
Sunday was a very full day… It began with my seminar; actually I had 4 aims from this seminar: the first was to practice facing large number of audience and to improve my communication and presentation skills… During the preparation step, while you are preparing to a presentation you perform two kinds of search, you are searching to prepare the material you are going to present to the audience and you are searching to strengthen your background about the topic you are going to talk about, so my second aim was to gain more information, even if I knew one new concept or a new word it is a profit in itself…the third was to assure myself , my college or my competitor had a seminar before in the same topic and the doctor told her that she missed the point of the search – he might be wrong – but even, I must prove myself and work hard not to miss the point especially this time…the forth actually is some sort of meanness, but it is ok, if I assured myself in this seminar , I’d be able to deal with that T.A who is trying to disturb me stronger than before, I don’t want to explain more in this point actually, ….here I’m ,on the stage, holding the microphone – not for the first time but this time with my aims, it has another meaning really –unfortunately, the doctor didn’t allow me to complete my presentation, he used to interrupt me with his silly comments and meaningless questions, then he told me that time-out and he wanted to give the lecture…I expressed my anger of his way, let the mic. down and left the stage back to my seat… actually I achieved two of my aims, but it is ok with me, I learnt here that achieving some of your objectives is better than not achieving any at all, also, sometimes achieving some of your aims maybe a way to achieve the rest of them with maximum profits as well…in this situation I think achieving all my aims side-by-side wouldn’t have been profitable than achieving two at first, and using those two to achieve the rest with more gains ….
The same day I heard that one of my friends had an accident , it was so bad and I felt very sorry for him , but actually when I knew the details of it I felt very happy that he is well… the point here is that I felt – not for the first time of course – but I had this feeling strongly that we always need to thank Allah very much, Allah like us all , Allah save us , although we make many mistakes, although we are always guilty, but Allah do the best for us all, though we may think about something at the beginning that it may due to our bad luck, but when we consider other factors we find that the thing we feel is going to be against us, is actually going to be for us…
I felt the meaning of the “aya”, where Allah says: (وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم)
I felt strongly that day that I need to thank Allah for everything I know and for everything I don’t, for everything I feel it is for me, and for everything I think it is against me, coz Allah send us the things which are for our good, what against us is what we made, it is our faults and mistakes… I know all those feelings are built-in within our minds and souls, but actually that day I felt the meaning of those beliefs strongly…
What is actually going to be is what we will see in the coming few days……. Tuesday was a day I won’t forget really; it was a day where you feel bad about all of your friends, and about yourself… who is the right and who is the wrong???...who is the wide-minded and who has a narrow view???... who will remain and who will go away after graduation, or I may say, whom will I wish to stay with me and whom will I wish to go away with all the memories???...and for the ones I’ll wish to keep, will I be able to preserve???... here I wanna mention that the friend I talked about before – who I hadn’t intention on discussing our problems with her – talked to me on Tuesday (10-3) night about the matter and I tried hard to sneak with her and end the conversation coz I know the results in advance and I know that I won’t be able to change someone whom the days and the years weren’t able to change…and I wasn’t surprised at her childish ideas and I wasn’t surprised that she was impossibly convinced… but we decided to live the remaining month and we know in advance that we won’t remain friends after graduation – if we can call the status now a friendship - last Tuesday, I decided that even this month I don’t want to pass with her and I have my reasons to say this… so I’ll do what appeals to me and what makes me calm, that is all… it was really a hard day for me , not for losing her coz I knew 6 years ago that we are of conflicting personalities and it won’t be a friendship that lasts forever , I’ve told mom this several times before and now my word is going to be… It was a hard day coz I began to filter all my friends as a result of my status with her… I hope the remaining month passes fine with no more troubles, no more lose, I hope to preserve as much as I can of the good memories and the good persons ….
