Aspiring to a new life

Here I'm, again …but now with new feelings, new view, new hope …actually not completely new, but I'm trying to find some things were hidden deeply inside Ghada … also I always believed that I know myself completely but now I found that I can explore more … what aided me to arrive to such conclusion is the tremendous changes, events and situations I faced during the last 6 months… now I'm aspiring to adapt with those changes and trying to have a new life with new concepts …actually I'm going to just change my attitude or my view of life according to those events … not changing my concepts or my way of thinking as I'm completely satisfied with them…But only I need some flexibility and adaptation that is all…

Here I'll try to list some of the events that triggered the feeling I feel now:

• Actually I'm now trying to end some games I was playing with myself… although it is the most beautiful thing ever in life , it is the something which gives colors to our lives , makes us insist more on living and leading a better life – really , I've not lost this belief- but this all is achieved only when it is a mature feeling but it wasn't complete at all and I knew this from the beginning… but I believe I'm one of those who like to torment themselves, though I don't like the feeling of being a victim at all and I don't permit anyone to make me feel this but this time I was the victim of Ghada herself ,but maybe I find it interesting to have the risk … but when you are bidding on your feelings and your nerves …WHAT A FOOL !!!! ….. but the sweetest part here is that I found new thing about me … I found that I can take off my concrete mask and live with my abstract personality …I explored this part of Ghada deeply this time – as I always know that this is my personality but I didn't explore that part of it for a long period of time before ,actually 4 months are a good period of exploration – …but I decided to stop this game now as I said "it was true but not complete" so it will be a game which I will lose from the first round as I was abstract that time but I couldn't fly or even spread my wings, I didn't dare to do so as I was in a closed room and I knew this well…so now I can quit with no loss, yes I lost some time , and lost my concentration on my current missions ..But it is ok, all of this can be handled soon, it is not too late… and actually this feeling deserves…
• Here, I wanna say sorry …. Forgive me my dear friend I misjudged you, and according to this I was going to lose you and lose our friendship but you saved this at the last moments…really I appreciate you and appreciate your friendship which I can't imagine I was going to lose …it was a nightmare, but you know well that this topic "the 3rd topic " was larger than me to bear and I think the same for you…the sweetest part is that although the confusion and the shock I was passing through those days – because of this misunderstanding- I felt how much we are friends…I always believed on this and believed on you , but actually I felt this so deeply when I began to feel that I'm going to lose you …more than this , I always knew that you consider me a friend but I'm very very sure now…. And I'm grateful to another friend who saved this all, really you are believed to be a candle in the wind as you were described before…really, you are so rich…rich with your soul and mind … you succeeded in making all who know you miss you during your absence …miss your touches on our lives…miss your advices… really, thanks for being in my life ….really I think I'm gifted with the three of you…..
• Well, It is known that I faced many troubles at home in the last 2 months, most of them are with mom… thanks Allah they are to some extent handled nowadays or it may be some sort of rise and fall …anyhow, I think this is due to my decision to change my strategy – yes ,I'm talking about strategies ,we aren't in a war but actually politics and protocols aren't the concern of the governments only– anyhow, my new strategy was to keep silence ,try to prevent facing mom with pretension of ignoring the problem – although I haven't ignored my problems at all – but as I said I pretended to ignore it … I really dislike the feeling as if I was saying " you are thinking this way, ok, keep thinking like this I don't care what do you think of and I won't try to change or correct your thoughts – actually it is not a polite way to deal with your family like this but when you are missing the point or when you can't deal with them, finding after all those years that you maybe appreciated from the others more than you are at home…what will you think ??? …. When you miss the way to convince them with your being …what will you do???....what will you think of when you find that they don't respect your values and your feelings??... actually, I must admit, as I'm trying to develop myself and find new ways, I must expect that mom and dad also are trying to do so with themselves and I must adapt to new situations and circumstances… but what if they are changing their way while you are confused from inside , loaded with thoughts ..Many of them…. I think, soon I may handle this situation with them, trying to put new lines and protocols … actually now I think I live more peacefully than before … but I think in the coming days I may need to develop my relations with them more than just closing my room's door and setting on my pc knowing nothing about anyone here in this nice hotel…
• Here is the last part of my feelings nowadays, it is about my accompany …my friends – the topgirlsgroup – … actually, nowadays I'm trying to minimize the gap between us …. Really this gap wasn't their fault … they don't realize it … I think I'm responsible for a part of this gap … as I realized it early ,very early but I do nothing to fix this… I'm not doing this as we are going to be graduates after a few months but I really wanna explore them again from the beginning … I know them all, but I wanna give myself the chance to get more closer to them ..Trying to develop our relations together…. Hoping to preserve this friendship after graduation if Allah will………

I'm now trying to retrieve my stability, concentrate more on my missions….trying to rollback to my previous status…living my remaining days in faculty the best way, relaxing my mind…trying to gain more experience in life…. But will I make it the right way??..... This is what I will see in the coming days…..

Personality Recognition I :(Abstract Vs. Concrete)

I don't know why i always tend to surf the personalities and characters i meet , but actually i find in doing so excitement i don't find in anything else.... One of the great advantages of doing so ,is the improvement of my analytical senses as when you understand someone's character ,the next step may will be trying to analyze one's behavior and attitude.... This really needs some kind of concentration ....but it helps widening my mind,now i can't be easily deceived by anyone ( i think being so ) , and it also helps in understanding myself more and more.....

when i was in my second year in the faculty, i tried to categorize personalities i know , at the first time i couldn't make it as i needed to find persons and drive them to the same situations and watch their response ... before going on this , "personality recognition " isn't a science or a theory ... it is just a name i liked to call these thoughts ....actually why we have "face recognition" , " speech recognition" , ..... etc. and don't have " personality recognition " ? , although, recognizing the personality is more critical and difficult than just recognizing the external features of a person .. your personality is your backbone , it forms your being ... this is the point.....

Personalities' selection:

ok, each day me and my friends face certain situations which we must react together , but actually there may be similarities in my friends' personalities i'm not in interest of mentioning now ...so they won't be the ideal case study , but after establishing a wide strategy in recognizing people i found it easier to consider my friends' personalities and apply the strategy on them -actually , here i'm talking about my friends who are members in the "TopGroupGirls" :D , as there are friends of mine belong to other specifications- but at the begining i must find distinguishable characters to establish this strategy based on the distinctions between them...Finally , i found two suitable distinct characters , actually they are friends- members in the "free-will committee" (el a7raar) - , they aren't two opponent personalities, in contrast , they perform a fine harmony with each other... But what attracted my attention on them is that their actions are distinguishable remarks of their personalities and their actions are distinct and this was my lost so they were a wonderful start....

Of course,all this processing and thinking was done in the dark corner of my mind as i always call it , in other words,this was done without any awareness or without paying attention to what is going in my mind when dealing with those characters... the only thing i was aware of ,is that i really need to have a well formed opinion about anyone in my life , because in that era , i was really afraid of dealing with anyone i don't know well , even my friends i was so cautious with them as i experienced one bad situation ,caused by mis-judgement, from which i sufferred alot for the whole of the year...

Recognition criteria:

Then i came to the next step, or the next Question ... What would be the Recognition criteria?? Actually i always believe that those two friends are a gift of Allah - this conclusion isn't proven only by this situation but is proven by about 75% of my mentality and personality , i really owe alot to them -Again i found my lost on them..... thanks to their distinct actions , i found two Recognition criteria:

1- abstraction and concretion

2- codes and diagrams classification ( i'll mention later)

Abstract Vs. Concrete:

when i'm talking about abstract and concrete personalities i don't mean abstraction which is the abstraction of ideas and i don't mean concrete which is used to describe the substance used in building....but i actually imported the names from some of mom's ideas and applied my notes on those two friends to extract a definition of an abstract and concrete personality.... abstraction here means matters that are related to one's soul and feelings.... concrete here means having strong beliefs based on cosidering only facts or evidences not feelings or emotions ....

An abstract personality :

well, to consider the abstract personality more deeply, a person is said to be abstract if he had certain characteristics focused on the feelings ....there may be some indicators that indicate whether you are abstract person or not :

*often driven by your feelings ....

* when facing a problem ,you try to find the best solution which relieves your soul even if it doesn't solve the problem actually or physically...

* you consider spiritual values more than concrete values... i.e. you may measure the value of something with how much happiness this thing brings to your heart not the cost of the thing ... for an abstract person , a flower maybe more precious than a necklace

* you may prefer silence ... you may spend time looking at something in silence while thinking

* you always try to find illustrations of the situations or descriptions of the things and matters ..these descriptions and illustrations are related to mind and soul and you consider what is felt about the matter ( concentrate on what is unseen to prove what is seen ).... e.g. an abstract person considers the perfume and the dew blobs on the flower not its color....

* you are very sensitive

* you don't often get bored easily of something you do

A concrete personality:

to consider the concrete personality more closely, a person is said to be concrete if he had certain characteristics focused on the facts , evidences and physical proofs....there may be some indicators that indicate whether you are concrete person or not :

* often driven by your ambition ...

* when facing a problem , you try to work around this problem , leaving the spare time to think of it or even to try to solve it ..but at the moment ,you think of how you would turn your loss into benefit

* you consider the concrete values more than the spiritual values...

* you prefer to some extent crowded places and you like moving from place to place and changing your life ....

* you always try to find illustrations of the situations or descriptions of the things and matters based on certain facts and rules

( concentrate on what is seen and try to explore it) .... a concrete person considers the flower's color and the shape of its leaves....

* you are very practical

* you always try to find new thing to do and try to explore new ways of doing the same thing.

An abstract with a concrete mask:

sometimes there are people who are actually 90% abstract inside and others view them as being concrete..... i believe i'm one of those ..... actually sometimes i get fed up with my concrete mask and try hardly to take it off, but unfortunately people force me to keep it .... i try hardly to convince them "i'm not that one ...i'm not concrete...please look inside ...you will find someone different " ...but in vain.....

one day, i asked a friend for something .... he promised to bring it and we agreed to meet after two days to deliver this thing , the day before our meeting i decided to remind my friend of this thing, he said: " ok i remember but what if i forget to bring it tomorrow ?? "... i said: " nothing,really i'm fully satisfied with my feeling that you wanna help ... now i really won't mind even if you forget it tomorrow, i won't get upset "...my friend ( the financial calculator owner) was surprised of my reply... and i was unhappy with his surprise because i found that he only sees the external concrete mask of my personality !!!! - actually i believe this friend also belongs to this category but i don't know why he can't recognize that i have a concrete mask like him .. not a concrete personality-

another situation which pleased me so much , when i woke up one day and found an SMS from one of the great T.As in our faculty ( EL DOCTOOOORA MERVAT ) ...what a surprise !!! ...she herself sends me a message telling me that she would be available the next day to explain some topics in the "information theory " ... OH really i couldn't believe it , she cares about me .... i insisted more on studying this subject hard to get a high score in it after this situation....and after the exam she called me on the phone to know my news ...i was above the sky that day ... i appreciated this so much, i was so impressed by this situation which i won't forget ..... really if i had a single wish before i leave this faculty after graduation , i wish to had a long conversation with Dr. Mervat & Dr. Amira- another great T.A. - , setting silent while they are talking , giving me a little of their experience.... i don't know what the coming days will bring but i hope this wish comes true...

well , the thing i noted heavily is that the majority of abstract people are women ... the majority of concrete people are men ...

now , what do you think of yourself ??? to which classification do you belong ???