Great Poem

I got this poem through this URL: http://www.geocities.com/sadquotes/tears1.html ...
really it is wonderful

my smile might be fake
but my tears are real

At least be there to wipe away my tears
if you're going to make me cry . .

I play it off like I got
nothing to lie about
nothing to sigh about
but in my heart
I know I’ve got something
to cry about.
No one here can see my tears
...The pain that's been around for so many years...

Real tears are not those that fall
from the eyes & cover the face
but those that fall from the
Heart & cover the soul

Tears are words the heart can’t say.

So many nights I cried for you
wondering if the rumors
are actually true.

Got a smile on my face
a twinkle in my eye
only the true know
When I wanna break down and cry

teardrops fall from those pretty eyes
kind of hard to move on when you only told lies
she’s breakin down; everyone's fading
it’s been so long && she’s tired of waiting…

I Just don’t Laugh the way I used to
My tears are many, My smiles are few

Constantly cryin
never holdin back a single tear
you look at me like I'm crazy
but u don't feel the pain I feel

I remind myself to not cry
smile and hold my head high
Broken but all that never really mattered
Bite my tongue everyday
when there are words `left` to say,
so I'll wipe each tear from my eye
n' remember I'm not supposed to cry

Why do I try not to cry,
Sometimes I think I could die,
But when it comes out,
I just want to shout,
And scream and cry it all out

When she cries, the makeup runs from her eyes,
And spills the `truth about how she feels inside

I promised myself I wouldn't weep...
one more promise I couldn't keep

tears in my eyes just tryin to keep my head up
everyone swears they care but really don’t give a fuqq

It hurts more to smile in front of everyone than it does to cry alone.

I only cry when my tears
cannot be seen
like in the dark, or in the rain
just so you can`t see my pain

Everyone says
I'm so outgoing
with those big green eyes
I bet you'd never guess
I sit at home and cry

Do u feel more like a man knowing you made your best friend cry?

For once instead of telling me
reasons why I shouldn’t cry,
actually pay attention to
the reasons why I am

Rain is a form of tears, only from heaven.

lately I cry for no reason at all
my emotions go up and quickly they fall
my head is all mixed up and confused
looks like I’ve been used and abused
out of nowhere tears roll down my face
always happens in the worst possible place
I’m always down and wearing a frown
tell me what will make this feeling go away
I want it to leave, but it just wants to stay

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show, and I
thought that being strong meant never losing your self control.
but tonight I’m just enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my
pride let it fall like rain from my eyes, tonight I wanna cry...

I couldn't say how I felt...so I cried.

If tears could make me pretty,
I would be the most gorgeous girl alive.

I only act happy can't you see the smiles fake
that my eyes been crying
and when I say I’m fine I’m totally lying

It's just about now, when the tears start to fall,
I wonder if I'm gonna make it at all..
This is not about trying to go back in time,
this is not about where I'll be a year down the line,
it’s just moment to moment, surviving somehow...
this is not about then... this is just about now.

Have a good cry
wash your eyes out
if you keep it inside
it will tear you apart

if I'm so happy, then why do these tears keep falling?

You watch her walk down the hall
big smile, laughing, seems so happy
you'd never guess that she goes home
and cries herself to sleep...every night

I'm sorry if I made you cry...
I'm sorry If tears fell from your eyes...
that isn't at all what I intended to do...
just remember, all the tears that fell
from your eyes...fell from mine too

I been through the struggles
& found a piece of Mind
but time after Time a girl
still gotta break down & cry

real tears are the ones
that form slowly in your eyes
real tears are the ones that take
so much more to dry

The Sun and the Sea in the affair

Since I was young, I used to watch the sunset from the balcony of the house – that was on the sea – where we spent our summer vacation and I wondered about the relation between the sunset and the sea… I used to admire the colors of the sun at this time of the day, and I was so fascinated by this natural tableau… actually, the sunset scene doesn’t attract me in usual but for it in the summer resort… there were some hidden unexplained feelings which I was unaware of regarding this scene ,until everything became clearer when I was 19 years old… it is one of my artistic feelings which one may become so anxious about capturing it either in a painting or in a poem, but now I feel that my colors aren’t helpful as much as my words… so, really I find myself so excited about explaining the details of an affair between two lovers whom we don’t notice their story…

Rendezvous time: at the sunset each day ... around 6:00 pm

Rendezvous place: at the deep heart of the sea

Have you ever tried to notice the sea’s or the sun’s behavior all over the day?? And if you did so, have you tried to match their behaviors and make a conclusion about the relation??

Well, I’m going to display the details of their behavior …

Each day, in the morning, if you are watching carefully, you’d find out that the sun rises from the heart of the sea…it becomes higher and higher until it becomes in the middle of the sky…during this period of time, the sea’s noise becomes so loud, and its waves are high… till it is around 4:30 pm when the sun becomes its way back to the heart of the sea, it gets closer and closer and more closer while the sea seems to be snarling to the extreme and its waves are so strong and crass, and I can prove it by the fact that it is too dangerous to swim around 5:00 pm, am I mistaken??...the sun continues its way until it completely sets, to find the sea’s noise becomes so soft and so musical in the evening…

It became so clear to me at this point, they are in an affair!!!

Let’s then analyze it step by step now… but at first let me denote the sea as he/the male/the man, while the sun is denoted as she/the female/the woman… because their behavior mimics the behavior of the male and female human lovers…

Here we go, in the morning when the sun begins to rise from the heart of the sea, actually she was spending her night hiding herself in his heart… she is trying to coquet as all females do most of the time when she pretends she is getting out… and as she begins her way out, he begins screaming and this explains the noise he causes asking her to stay and his crass crashing waves, those waves that act as his arms which he is trying to heighten as much as he can to get her back… and all the day she is watching him trying in vain to catch her… till around 4:30 pm, when she starts her way back to him, actually she misses him alot and as I mentioned her leave was explained by her nature which tends to dalliance and seducing, she is not trying to torture him because if she tried so, she’d be causing herself a great pain… the pain of yearning and longing to him…on the other hand, he is heightening his arms as much as he can now to receive her, also he is snarling out of his excitement and eagerness, till she gets back to his heart… in the evening, he is flirting her with his musical voice, both of them are so calm, so quiet, as finally they got each other in the same place where they can spend their night with no one watching around…

Yes I’m imagining, but it is a real true part of the relation between men and women, of course this scene doesn’t characterize the whole of the relation, but it presents, for me, a very poetic sensible immaterial meaning and really I enjoy this so much…

A hurt

I don’t know why he insists on insulting me that way, I know he doesn’t mean it… but he hurts me badly, hurts my femininity unconsciousnessly… I maybe daring to claim so, or I maybe saying this bypassing all the consequences of this meaning... but really, I feel this deeply…

Many times he sees others in my eyes, in my words, in my actions, in my dresses… “my ex- used to say like this… my ex- used to look like this… my ex- used to behave like this”…and then I see the miserable man in front of me thinking, remembering or even dreaming of his ex-, her look, her way, and it isn’t only about his ex-s, it is also about his other female friends… really, I’m so hurt...

Why he always not trying to see my eyes, my actions, my look as a part of me, not as a reminder of the others?!!!

Why he always not trying to give us – yes, I mean it, us- the chance to make it?!!! …

And if I have some of his ex-s’ words, eyes, behavior – and it is not a nice way to compare myself with anyone, but I’m only supposing the comparison- so why we can’t do it together even for once?!!!!

This feeling admission puts me into a tight spot with myself because this imposes a decision making…. A decision to keep my dignity…

I don’t know whether it is about being jealous or it is about a dignity hurt, but all I know is that each time he acts this way I feel humiliated as a female… and I don’t know whether he knows about my story or not…

The action shall be either giving it all up – which I can’t take on now at least- or it may be yelling at him so as not to repeat those actions again, but this would make it all clear to him

I always decide on some actions then I get back and don’t take on, because I’m always afraid it would make it clear to him, the fear that awakened me to find out that he is miles far away from realizing what is it all about !!!

All what I can think of precisely right now is that he was capable of dashing my week completely and turning it into a bad dream through two disturbing situations… this is one of them…

Facebook Vs. Blogger

This entry was inspired from a conversation between me and a friend…I’m not going to make a deep comparison between facebook and blogger; I’m just going to mention only the sides I mentioned in the conversation…

I’m always monomaniac about my privacy, I’m always trying to keep it as much as possible… as I found that nowadays the hardest thing to keep about your life is your security, your internal issues and your privacy… always there are disturbances and persons who always tend to make it the wrong way with you… I started by my phone number and e-mail, I imposed some rules which were to some extent exotic to the surrounding people, only the ones who know me well could work it out, but day-by-day I’ve learnt that if you aren’t going to be appealing to all the others, so you must do your best to appeal to yourself, and you will never be appealing to all the surrounding people, no matter how much you tried… also I’ve learnt that, if you aren’t going to search for your internal leisure and comfort, no one would search for you, no matter how much you have searched for their comfort and relaxation…

By days, I figured out that I need to express myself, I have lots of feelings and thoughts that I want to share with some friends… and as a result, if I’m going to share, then I’d either accept any consequence or I’d better impose some rules similar to those which preserved my e-mail and phone number privacy… of course, I decided on the second alternative…

Ok, let’s have a personal blog with a limited number of audiences, those audiences are the close friends whom I shall share anything with, either orally or written... so why don’t I share with them online feelings and thoughts… I declared carefully that I have a personal blog, and I insisted on telling them all that only X, Y and Z know about this matter… I was very careful so that no one other than those friends, especially my entire group knows about that blog... why?

the answer is simple:

1-Because, I want to speak freely as much as possible, that is why I write actually, and my group doesn’t know that much about me... again why? Because they don’t understand me, some of them are very narrow-minded – sorry to say so, but it is the truth- , also some of them don’t respect privacy issues… also, some of them aren’t trusted at all – you will ask now, how can you have a friend and you don’t trust her/him? This isn’t the matter to be discussed here; maybe soon I shall write about the motives of doing so-…

2-It is not an idea that appeals to me to find all my heart and mind spread and shared along with all the surrounding people either they are friends or not... and who knows what is hidden there??

3-And I don’t want to have any troubles, I have enough…

Three weeks ago, I joined facebook, that great amusing community... and here is the debate…

Without going through the details, I always used this community to spend a nice time, to amuse myself and enjoy the accompany there…

Today, my friend got the info. that blog entries can be imported on facebook as notes, and he wanted to share that piece of info. with me… I knew so a week ago… but I ignored it all as the concept is rejected in my case…

The reasons for this rejection are:

1-All my friends, my group are there on the facebook, so what the hell I’m doing since a year to come now and publish all my blog entries in front of their sights there?? Huh??

2-There are too many strangers there, whom are able to see and notice the changes in our profiles there

3-Blogger is for blogging and facebook is for amusing myself… this sentence got the debate into another misleading way

“Blogger is for blogging and facebook is for amusing myself”, I said… I’m totally convinced of this principle… why I used blogger if I’m going now to get it all to the facebook??... Why am I going to get all my activities to be in a single place??... yes, I know that out thoughts and our feelings are part of us and we shan’t isolate them, or separate our activities, but I also know that every single action we do represents our thoughts and feelings and personalities, so I’m not isolating my feelings and thoughts, I’m only isolating the most important issues in my life to keep them only for the close friends to know about... that is it … for me, it is not supposed that all people know the same about me, and it is not supposed that all people should know the same amount of information about me… also I use facebook to have some time there with being free-spirited, leaving all the complex feelings and thoughts to the blog… trying to spend nice time there thinking about nothing but this, while I’m surfing the applications and quizzes…

More, what you didn’t get my friend, that I’m not you and you aren’t me … when the left hand-sides aren’t the same, then the right hand-sides of the two equations won’t be the same, so there will be no superposing between my opinion -which I didn’t offer you to apply-, and yours…