Flexibility

The question I’m asking myself nowadays “Do I lack flexibility?!!!!”….

Mom always describes me as being inflexible… so focused on one matter and had no way but my way… I know that this description maybe applied on many other psychological definitions like selfishness, self-centering, being narrow- minded … but she meant being inflexible…

What I’ve regarded about myself nowadays is that she maybe right about that but if she took another meaning for flexibility… the meaning I’m aiming at is to be unable to adapt to new circumstances and changes in personalities’ behaviors

Let’s have some examples on that:

·Mom herself, to a great extent, she ‘d changed her view of life and her way in dealing with all the surrounding people in the family and of course I’m one of the affected ones by this versatility… what is annoying me is that now I can’t adapt to her changes. I can’t adapt to the fact that I may ask anyone on the earth for advice except for her, because If I asked her, she wouldn’t be willing to help me …really I tried this many times and I had the same results at the end. It not her to be blamed for the tremendously increasing distance between us. I have my part in that also, but she had about 75% of the responsibility for how the relation between us turned to be…

Now, why can’t I adapt??...although I feel I can’t get back to our previous status because I know that whatever I do it won’t appeal to mom, but also I find myself can’t adapt to her change

· The one whom I love, I was shocked by his sudden change… he has changed his way by 180 degrees, actually I don’t know what went wrong with him or what I did wrong… I guess my only mistake was to love him... though he is a great man to be loved, but we seem to be not going to make it right together one day… so I must force myself to give up that dream and trying to make another dream comes true… the other dream maybe about a great friendship with him… it is a difficult change, very difficult to view the same situation from two different aspects, and act accordingly, and I’m the one who must adapt to the other viewpoint… not him, and please it is not the right time to ask (why!!!!) … but this is another situation which I can’t adapt to...

The absolute change in his behavior shocked me actually, as this change contrasts with the triggers that arose that love inside me… [Safety]

But after his change, I’m now convinced that we may find – together – another methodology to use while dealing with each other… maybe this would be the first action we take together from a long time ago, with a great comprehension – from my side- that changing my way dealing with him would be the right choice…

But will I adapt easily to my new decision or I may choose to run away and escape from my feelings which chase and hit me even in my dreams!!!

I want to mention here, just for documentation, that for a month I had the same nightmare, where horses are chasing me and hitting me badly while I’m crossing the road to the other side, when I revised a website Dr.Mervat gave to me I found that horses are indicators of emotions we are trying to get rid of and escape…