My friends used to tell me about my continual intension to analyze all relations and patterns, all personalities and behaviors … even, this is not at all times a blessing, because it may sometimes imposes exaggeration in mental power consuming and deep thinking which may lead to be sometimes spinning or stuck in an infinite cycle of thoughts … but it is my personality style which I like whatever side-effects coz I believe that the pros of this style are much more than the cons…
I'm nowadays trying to characterize what led many relations to be in ruins… it is not only about love, it is also about friendship… I believe that true relations can't be ruined easily and true friends can't forget or leave easily… but I tended to think about it not only to know that led me to lose, but also to know what I shall do not to lose…
I began to cluster my relations... I found out that there are some relations I'm in, where I totally feel like I'm abused!! and when I tried to figure out the reasons for being so, I found that I'm totally responsible for it… you are showing that you are always welling to give & give & give … and you aren't demanding or showing that you want something in return … actually, you don’t want something in return… but at a certain moment in your life, you may get so restless, so disturbed, so furious even with yourself, actually I'm living in this era nowadays… at that moment you turn around expecting to find those ones whom you used to be around them whenever they need or they don't need you to be so… you find them so miser in their feelings and actions which are more important than words… but even words don’t come easily…
You are always ending your conversations with "you are welcome anytime", while you may find those people end their conversations with you with "sorry, I've to go now, I'm so busy doing something that I'm going to tell you about soon"… you feel it is ok in normal cases to have your conversations ended that way, you may find many excuses if you wanna so… but in the fall time, you feel like you are really abused…you may regret dedicating you feelings, your effort, your time to those whom won't appreciate it or even feel it …
While sometimes you feel like a "thank you" is a great blessing of life, and a smile is a treasure… in fall times you feel like you are a turtle, that is what I'm feeling now…
The turtle decided on racing the rabbit … the turtle began passively and the rabbit knew that she had begun…. He took some rest in the shadow of the tree till she reached the middle of the road, he began to move, he reached the point where she was, and he decided to take another break in the shadow of the tree and before she reached the end point of the race by 2 meters, he began to move again… and suddenly he reached the end and became the winner…
The rabbit hadn't exerted as much effort as the turtle … I feel like a turtle in many of my relationships… I always have a rabbit which lands with its parachute into my relations as it wasn't in the race with me from the beginning …
I'm a turtle in neither my actions nor my efforts … but I'm a turtle in the results that the relationship ends with…
I believe that characterizing the problem I feel inside is the first step to find a way for dealing with it; even this solution was only to bypass it…
While I'm having all those thoughts revolving inside, I feel so guilty for those people whom I represent the receiver for their blessings… I have some people whom I think I don’t do for them as much as they do for me; some of them assured me that "while you are taking you are giving implicitly"... but I feel I must do more for them, and I'd work on finding ways to please them more and to payback their favors… and till I reach this I must say "thanks my friends, you gave me the pleasure of life and you aided me a lot… I wish I could be a good friend for you, now and forever… may Allah bless you my friends"
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