This idea is triggered by a daydream I was thinking of one day and making the whole scenario with all the possibilities of the scene…
“What –if X had declared it one day, and I was in a situation that I must respond to him either with acceptance or by refusal??” [Actually, X is a variable with an associated value that I won’t tell here]
I had remembered this day NOT in the middle of the mind refreshment process I’m experiencing nowadays through a period of remembering many quotes, events, places, and situations which I can’t justify why I remember those things specially nowadays; the only reasonable justification is that I’m preparing my mind to receive new records and entries of the new year after the evaluation process I passed through the last couple of months.
Back to the main topic; the real reason for remembering that daydream was the question Yasmine asked me last time we were together:”howa law X et2dem leeky twaf2y??” [I was astonished as she told the same scene I was imagining before, but unlike the previous version of my personality; I’m going to be cooler and I’ll tend not to make matches and fateful conclusions this time; specially that there would be no action resulting from any conclusion as the answer was in the daydream and to my friend’s question the same:”No, of course”… and also the justification was the same: “because he trusts no one… and I tend to be so, I believe I doubt each fact, person, word till the contrast is proven and sometimes nothing is never proven… even if I show that I’m welcoming anyone, any fact, any word…and he is also a nice actor of the same drama…[this wasn’t an installed feature on me; instead it is a result of a sequence of unpleasant beneficial facts, events I passed through and persons I stepped over]
I need someone to keep me safe or at least to make me feel safe and he doesn’t feel safe or secure; so how shall he give me what I need mainly in my life, while he doesn’t have?... he won’t be able to give me something he needs and can’t find as well…
To explain what I aim at more; let’s consider the scene of some guy surrounding a girl’s shoulder with his arms… there would be three possibilities for his intensions of doing so:
-The pure desire trigger [male/ female view]
-The pure love trigger [lover-to-lover view]
-The pure love/manhood trigger [mixed (lover/man)-to-(lover/woman) view]
Let’s bypass the interpretation of the scene as it is out of scope here and analyze the remaining two scenes,
The masculine lover in the second scene was offering love and protection… of course anyone who offers his love to someone offers care and will to protect as well… but the quote said here might be like saying:”hey, I’d like to protect you; you shall feel safe when we are together”… nice expected feelings but with no guarantees of the actions and the consequences…
The masculine lover in the third scene like this one in the second scene was offering love and protection… BUT unlike him, the quote here is like saying:”girl; I’m capable of protecting you; you are safe and you must feel it for being with me”
Yes; you may say that in both cases there is no evidence or guarantee of the consequences and actions… yes; this is true, BUT there are always possibilities and expectations read from the personality themes you are dealing with and tend to analyze…
In my daydream; I shall be the feminine lover of the second scene; he can’t offer me what he doesn’t have initially… always and forever; feeling secure would be the magical entrance to internal peace; and no one of us shall guarantee this for the other…
I aspire – as all girls do – to be the feminine lover of the third scene to feel home with my lover regardless the surrounding circumstances or possibilities… it is just like you got all what you need by a scrub… you can now sleep safely, welcome home; no matter what lies behind the windows/outside you arms
It would be like watching two guys killing each other in the street; but it won’t make any sense as long as nothing would approach me as long as I’m looking through the windows/ from behind your back
If I’m going to bear someone who will never offer me what I’m in a bad need of; and I pretended to do without this thing and tried to give him what he needs [in case, we both are seeking the same thing] I’d be able to do so for a while but not so long, because one day I’d find no one recharging my battery; because he won’t be able to give me in return… my giving will in this case would be out of persistence not out of having what he sought…and as a result we both would feel that emptiness and we both would give it up so soon because who doesn’t own something can’t give it in return…
The scene of “I’d like to…I’m capable of” can be used also to prove the antithesis of what mom told me one day concerning my pals, whom I think they can’t act like responsible… she was arguing that if they are in charge of something they would be able to undertake it but I shall tell that each conclusion should have some origins or givens used to get to that conclusion…those givens are based on psychological, environmental and behavioral facts about those persons which would need further analysis to have a conclusion which would be specific to the personality in question…
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